jaws of a billionaire

 a cold cup of coffee sits on my nightstand

aborted motivation down the drain, 

food down the hatch 

and a man down the street, 

high off his own supply

my blood running down the sink, 

suicide or shaving cream? 

my god whose body is this

i don't think it's mine

dissociative disorderly conduct

Why don't you teach me how to heal, officer, instead of 

putting cold handcuffs on me

and bludgeoning in my head

 

baby, i love you, 

that's why you were born

so i could have someone 

who had no choice but to love me back

 

what i wear is a mask

 

fornicating with my friends and the light of the moon, 

witching my body to behave like a body, 

witching my mind to be a working piece of machinery

that's all i am to myself at least, 

a machine. 

 

shaking hands that never played an instrument

or knew how to do anything right, raise up, 

i wanna see you fill this auditorium

good for nothings 

 

singing the song that everyone knows 

path that everyone follows in the end, 

what's the point of nothing when everything's hollow? 

you won't find me in the cities when the good lord comes, 

you will find me in the hills. 

 

and my bones aren't hollow, 

but i don't know what they're filled by, 

and my mind's not hollow, but i don't think i control it, 

and you aren't hollow, but I don't know what's on your mind, 

and i can't cope with the fact that I can't control you. 

 and I am a bird 

free flying into a windshield, 

defecating as I fall, 

disgusting tragedy, 

I could have done so much better

but I'm just an animal

and I'm out of control

 

and that's what they told me 

and that's what I know so I reflect it

even if underneath I am screaming

Screaming for control, for motivation

for anything but the silence at the end of this road, 

anything but the hollow, hungry crying 

of the hills and my mother, 

WHY WERE yOU Never good enough

I should have been god

 

you should have saved us but you didn't, 

but you chose apathy and waste, 

and now the children's teeth are piling up and the wind pushes them over,

carries them, 

and when they reach your house you won't be able to cry out for mercy

there is no hand behind the wheel to turn this car or ship around, 

there is only the collision and your face on the ground, 

and i'm happy even if my teeth are on the pile, 

i'm happy i can take you down in some small way, 

death is inevitable for all of us, did you think you could evade it? 

you can't escape what you had a direct hand in, 

and when the oceans run red remember that they were blue, 

remember you could have had sand and summer but you chose yourself, 

remember that as you're crying out for help, 

and no one answers. but the pressure of the wind and the atmosphere

thank god we weren't here when this happened here 

jaws of a billionaire 

and his pathetic, aching body, 

he's no alpha now, all skin and bones, 

and you got a big head because you couldn't look him in the eyes 

you thought he was afraid of you 

he was planning your demise

and death doesn't care if you meet him like a man, 

he only cares that you show up to the appointment. 

 

and on the brink of madness I know I don't matter, 

I am a star, or a piece of one, 

and loss isn't real as long as memory is, 

and you aren't real if I don't look too closely, 

and they aren't real if I don't think about them, 

the masses filling the graves, outnumbering the living by four, 

and the tragedies they never healed from don't reflect

what I know I can't change about my human nature, 

to die as we live is a cruel joke.